You go on a date with a total stranger and see red flags:
Arrives late for the date, rude to the waiter, drinks too much, interrupts you, way too nice, can’t look you in the eye, looks you in the eye too much, is full of him/herself, swears too much, checks out other wo/men, can’t ignore the phone, has brought you an inappropriate gift, seems kinda self-absorbed, tells intimate stories, blames ex for everyting, blames self for everything, gets close too fast….and so on.
Now, get up and leave. Say, “Thank you for taking the time, but this isn’t going to work for me. Take care.”
Done. You owe this person nothing. But…..part of you is actually looking for trouble, right? Do you tend to sit there, trying not to notice the red flags or explaining them away? Where do you think this is headed? Ah, what the hell. You weren’t doing much anyway. Why not get involved with another maniac?
This is the real danger: Some part of you doesn’t mind going there…head-first into an emotionally disastrous relationship. Is this your comfortable discomfort zone. Being in a healthy relationship with a decent person might even sound….impossible, or not for you, or boring.
How did you learn you must tolerate people who mistreat you?
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